My Christmas present from my ex-husband

After 16 months of no contact, my ex decides to send me a message (via facebook) on the 23rd of December.  He could have messaged me any time from the 1st of September when the non-molestation order expired, but he chose to wait until two days before Christmas.  Coincidence?  I don’t think so.  If you have read my Domestic Violence post, you will know that he is manipulative.  Trying to spoil my Christmas is just typical of him.  But, I refused to let him and pushed it to the back of my mind.

Now that Christmas is over, I am starting to think about how to deal with it.  In a very long message, he states that he would like to see our younger three children in January or February, when he will give them his Christmas presents. (more…)

Domestic Violence

domestic violence

Domestic violence.  The words evoke a range of responses and perceptions.  Some may be a result of the media, widespread myths or personal experiences.

Personally, my idea of domestic violence was of a man who hit his wife on a regular basis.  I expect that many have this view.

I wasn’t in that type of relationship.  My ex-husband had never hit me. (more…)

Tired Mum Ramblings

Sitting on the sofa at 1:38am with a baby in my arms, who doesn’t want to go to sleep, I am struggling to keep my eyes open.  I can usually manage with getting up during the night but I haven’t been able to go to sleep yet as I was marking year 9 books until late and since 11:30pm, two of my children have been awake.

And it is times like this, in the early hours of the morning, when there is nobody to talk to and you are exhausted that you start worrying about how you will make it through the next day.  And the next night (if it’s like this one) and so on, with the knowledge that there are no lie-ins or weekends to catch up on some sleep. (more…)

Sleeping through the night

In those early months, after answering the questions on age, weight and name, mums often get asked, “Is your baby sleeping well?”

Then, there’s the conversation with other mums comparing how many hours your baby is sleeping with theirs.

And, as a result, mums often start to feel that your baby should be sleeping through.  I know because I have been there and I have seen mums in tears because their baby is not ‘being good’ by doing what the other babies are doing – sleeping 7pm to 7am. (more…)

Dancing Mum

As much as I love my kids, I need some time for me.  I need something that isn’t playing with cars, making jigsaws, cooking, cleaning, marking or planning.

I have always enjoyed dancing – it feels great to get moving and forget about everything else – but I hadn’t danced for 20 years so was feeling very rusty.  My body is definitely not the same as it was then.  But, as my mum is a Ballroom and Latin dance teacher, I decided to have a go in one of her classes and see if I could remember how to move my feet and legs to look as though I was dancing. (more…)

The Feeding Debate

Breastfeeding is such an emotive topic and I have witnessed heated discussions in a range of settings.  It never ceases to shock me how mums can be so unsupportive and critical of each other.

There seem to be two camps – the breastfeeding group and the bottle-feeding group.  But a mum may not be an exclusive member of either.  Mums may start in the breastfeeding group and then move over to the bottle-feeding group after a few days, weeks or months.  Or some may decide that mixed feeding is for them and not feel as though they can be a member of either group. (more…)

Letting go is harder than I thought it would be

I am trying not to feel bitter or resentful but I have to say, on the day that I have officially sold my house, I am failing miserably.

Why did I sell my house?  Simply because I had no choice.

My husband got himself sacked (due to being regularly arrested for drinking) within 3 months of him leaving the family home, putting himself solely on benefits.  This resulted in him only having to pay £7 a week child support – in total, not per child – leaving me to pay for our joint mortgage by myself as well as the bills, food etc. (more…)

Newly Divorced

On my facebook wall this weekend, popped up ’17 Things Only a Divorced Mom Knows’ and ’36 Things I Wish Someone Told Me About Divorce’.

Having just had my decree absolute through (today!), I thought I would give them some time and read both. I soon discovered that I don’t it into the ‘typical divorced mum’ category – if there even is one – although a few points hit home.

So, here are the top 10 against my personal story of divorce: (more…)

Becoming a single mum


I am a single mum with six children.

I know what certain media stereotypes that statement will create.

I hope that I can dispel them with this blog as well as having my own little outlet for the challenges and achievements of being a mum.

But first, an introductory blog.

I never wanted to be a single mum.  I don’t  know of any single mums that did set out with that intention (despite Daily Mail stories).  But I did always want to be a mum.

I met my husband when I was 17, we married when I was 18 – sounds crazy now that I think about it – and we had our first child (Michael) six months later.

We were both working and bought our first house when I was 19.  Those were the days when you could buy a house for less than £30,000.  In fact, we bought a 3 bedroom semi-detached for £27,000!  Makes me feel quite old when I think about it.

Natasha was born when I was 21, then Kaiya two years later.

It was when Kaiya was born that I decided to become a secondary school teacher, so I spent the next 5 years studying for my degree and then started my new career.  I loved it.  Life was great.  Three growing fabulous children, a great job and secure income.

But when I hit 32, I decided that I wanted another child, resulting in Hannah and then a little brother, Nathaniel two years later.

At this point, I was still teaching but also running my own Birthing and Baby business.  It was crazily busy with five children and life was up and down, but isn’t it for everyone?

Things had settled into a good pattern and a positive life/work balance when I found out that I was expecting another baby.  It was a huge surprise.  But, while one more would be more work, it wouldn’t be impossible.  The little surprise also made me re-evaluate life and I realised that I would like to be at home more especially as this would be my last baby.  So, after looking at our finances, we decided that I would cut down on work once the baby was born.

Plans don’t always go to plan though.

I don’t want to go into great detail about our split – it is far too complicated and would take you too long to read it all – so I will give a very brief outline.

In May 2013, while I was seven months pregnant, my husband got very drunk (to the point of being hospitalised) while I was working and he was looking after some of our children.  He also hit one of our daughters.  As a result, police and social services were involved in my life.  And over the following weeks, despite my husband no longer living with us, things got worse rather than better with his drinking and subsequent actions.  It was very clear that the separation was to be permanent for mine and my children’s sake.

There was no soul-searching decision to make.  After being together for 20 years, it was over.


Three weeks after my husband left and three weeks before his due date, I gave birth to Alexander – my beautiful sixth baby. Not without a bit of drama as my waters broke while the kitchen fitters were still putting in my kitchen. Dust and mess everywhere.  Fortunately, my children mucked in and we got the place cleaned before Alexander arrived.

Due to the circumstances, my husband didn’t attend the birth.  But my Mum drove 190 miles to be my birth partner.  I can’t thank her enough.  I had to stay in hospital overnight so don’t know what I would have done without her.

My Mum stayed for the first five days of Alexander’s life and it was such a special time.  It was great having her doing the washing – my least favourite job – although I had to do the cooking as that is her least favourite job.

I am not sure how I managed when she left.  I was a single mum to six children with no family around.  All I know is that I did survive.  But those early weeks are such a blur.

When Alexander was 8 weeks old, I decided it would be a good idea to spend a few days as a family in a yurt in the middle of nowhere.  Due to the constant stresses and dramas that my husband was still putting us all through, it seemed very attractive to be somewhere isolated with no phone signal or internet.  There was also no toilet or shower.  It was literally a yurt in the middle of some woods.  But it was a great break and just what we needed.


I went back to the self-employed work when Alexander was 3 months old.  I would have liked longer off but my husband had by now lost his job due to his regular court appearances for being drunk, so the only income that I had was my SMP of £136 a week plus tax credits and child benefit and that simply wasn’t going to pay the mortgage or bills.

Fast forward to today (October 2014)….

Alexander is now 16 months old, I have been a single mum for 17 months and in that time, we have had two family holidays, got a new pet, decorated one room, celebrated Christmas and a few birthdays, moved 200 miles to start a new life and I’ve got a new job.

My husband doesn’t see the children and I had to get a court injunction to ensure mine and my children’s safety.

It has not been an easy ride but there are many positives too.  But I think I will leave that for another blog.

I never saw myself being a single mum of six children and I certainly never wanted it.  But that is my life today and I am happy.


Single Parent Pessimist


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