So, this morning, like most mornings, I needed to use the toilet – it’s ok, this post isn’t about my toilet activities so you’re safe to continue reading!
Now I knew I would be there longer than a minute so, as usual, I scanned the lounge and playroom to see what my three small ones were up to. There they were – all busy in the playroom playing with various toys and completely oblivious to me.
Great – a few minutes of peace, I thought. So I quietly crept across the lounge, opened and closed the stairgate with as least noise as possible and nipped to the little room.
Within 30 seconds of reaching my destination, I heard the familiar click of the stairgate catch being moved and knew that today was going to be the same as every other day when I have my few minutes alone behind a locked door.
No matter how quietly I leave the room or how occupied they are, they will always notice that I’ve gone within seconds. I swear that my children have an inbuilt sensor for knowing when I’m on the toilet. Possibly because they know that is the time I can’t do anything to stop whatever mischief they choose to get up to.
So here are some examples of the various things that Hannah, Nathaniel and Alex have done during my toilet trips:
- banging on the toilet door to see where I am
- trying to open the locked toilet door with various implements – keys, toys, coins
- tipping the contents of the changing bag out all over the hallway
- going upstairs to wake up their older sisters (which goes down as you would imagine)
- writing on the whiteboard on the fridge or writing in my diary
- going upstairs to get themselves dressed – this sounds as though it should be a good thing but it generally involves pulling every item of clothing out onto the floor to find that favourite top
- pressing various keys on my laptop so that it has new tabs and text on it when I return – my fault for leaving it on I suppose
- finding the bag of flour in the kitchen cupboard and sprinkling it all over the floor
- turning the washing machine on or off, depending on whether it was on or off to start with
- opening the ‘bits and bobs’ drawer and taking all the miscellaneous items out
- hiding my mobile phone
- climbing up on the sofa and taking the phone off the hook – I don’t always notice for some time
- re-arranging my ornaments on the windowsill
- taking DVDs out of the unit
- shouting at each other before fighting with each other
- opening the board game cupboard and getting the Game of Life and Monopoly out resulting in play money and small pieces everywhere
- finding the baby wipes and pulling them out one by one until it is empty
- taking out my purse from my handbag and tipping out the contents
- pressing various buttons on the Sky remote control to either record programmes or delete them
- hiding the remote control
- making themselves a drink which means water over the worktop and floor
If only I could train my body to only need to use the toilet while they are asleep. Until then, I will hold my breath as I sit on the toilet, listening to the various noises and imagine (with trepidation) what I will find when I open the door.